Christianity Doesn’t Work for Me

Working downtown often leads to unexpected encounters. Not long ago the sun was finally making an appearance in the midwinter sky. Although the air still had a bite, I couldn’t resist the lure of the sun on my face. Sure, I had a reasonable lunch in the fridge, but sometimes a short walk to my favorite lunch destination is the wise choice.

There’s always a line at Boston. The food is the best downtown and they move folks through in a hurry, though. Even if the line appears excessive, the wait is never long and the food is always worth it. As I flew through the revolving door into the art deco lobby, I ran into an old friend. Literally. We brushed ourselves off and began to catch up while waiting in line. 

It’s easy for friends to drift apart. Nothing traumatic needs to happen…we can just naturally drift when our paths stop crossing frequently. That had happened with Pete. We began to catch up like long lost brothers, sharing the latest about our jobs, spouses, and kids, and then pivoting into those hopes and dreams that seemed so important to us all those years ago. By the time we had our sandwiches and sat down, we were going deep. He always had a passion for service and for the work of the church, so that was a natural trail for the conversation to follow. 

“Nope. Not anymore. Those were good times, but I’m not doing that now. Life gets busy. Kids grow up. Seasons change.” 

I hear excuses like that frequently, but I wasn’t expecting it from Pete. He and his family always seemed so…engaged. Captivated. All in. I sensed there was more to the story, so I responded, “Pete, I never would’ve expected that from you. That love you had was deep. Did something happen?”

“To tell you the truth, most people are satisfied with that answer and leave it alone. I should’ve known you’d dig! Honestly, after following that path until I was at the end of my rope I made a discovery. Christianity doesn’t work for me. The last straw was when we were prepping for a mission trip a few years ago. This was before the kiddos moved out, and we were excited to go as a family. As we were finalizing the last details, we got a call from the financial secretary. The money for the trip was gone. Transportation, food, lodging, supplies, and all the other miscellaneous things that kids had been fundraising for…all gone. In the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t a lot of money…18K or so. Not enough to retire on, but way too much to scramble for at the last minute. We were devastated. What had happened? That was the worst part. A staff member at the church drained the account and left town. The church decided not to press charges because they didn’t think it’d be the Christian thing to do.”

“So, Dave, that was it. Seeing the pain my kids endured…the loss and the grief…watching them process the betrayal by those they loved, looked up to, and trusted…that was too much for me. I had to walk away. That’s when I realized Christianity doesn’t work for me.” 

I was shocked. Although I knew where he attended, those details were unknown to me. I guess they didn’t make the news. My heart broke for him and for his family. That pain is deep. Real. Visceral, even, especially for a father who loves his family as much as I knew Pete did. 

“Wow, Pete. I had no idea. I can’t even imagine how badly that hurt.”

We continued to talk for a bit. We both had hurts to share as well as some great successes to celebrate. It was great to catch up over a Cuban. We promised to try our best to reconnect more frequently, both probably somewhat aware we would again fail miserably. After a quick bro-hug, we went our separate ways back to our offices. 

As I walked back my mind went back to that phrase, “Christianity doesn’t work for me.” It seemed to be working for me, even through numerous hurts. But there was something more to it I was trying to pin down. Walking that last block back to the office, it hit me while waiting for the “walk” sign. I’m not a Christian because it works or doesn’t work. That would be what’s called pragmatism. Pragmatic people go with what works, without digging too deeply into the hows and whys. For some people, they grab onto a belief system that works for them in their current life situations and goals. It works within the crowd they’re running with. It’s “true” to them because “it works.”

That’s a common way to believe. In fact, when it comes to religious belief it’s likely the most common way to believe. Even people who adopt the beliefs of their parents fall into this category. It “works for them” to believe what their parents believe for many reasons…a big one is that it makes things easier at home. What they find in large numbers is that when they move to the next phase of their lives, something other than the beliefs of their parents work even better for them, as they discover new friends and new life goals. They cling to entirely different and even contradictory systems of thought and belief in each season of life.

We have a tendency to divide the things that shape our lives into “things that are true” and “things that work for me.” The former are things like putting gas in the tank of your car, showing up to work, and keeping enough money in the bank to cover the bills. What falls into the latter are things like morality, our view of humanity, questions about what happens when we die, how we should develop and maintain relationships. All the questions that tend to be covered by spiritual beliefs–even if claiming to have none–often fall into the category of pragmatism. They are malleable and fluid.

This pragmatic approach kind of makes sense within many different religious systems (and non-religious systems). In fact, they demand it, because although they attempt to explain the way those elusive things are, they don’t claim to be empirically true or verifiable. Christianity isn’t like that, though. Christianity boldly claims to not just explain how we got here, where we’re going, and how we should live…it claims to be true. Like…really and totally true. Christianity properly understood corresponds to the reality we live in when we test it. 

In 1 Corinthians 15:14, Paul says “…if Christ has not been raised, then our proclamation is in vain, and so is your faith.” Paul most likely wrote this around 20 years after the crucifixion. Not only were Peter, John, and many other disciples still alive, there were countless other eyewitnesses to the crucifixion and resurrection. Paul was inviting challenges at a time when it was still possible for eyewitnesses to prove him (and the basis of Christianity) wrong.

Back in my atheist days I would boldly (and naively) claim that science couldn’t prove the existence of God. Faith was nothing more than wishful thinking without evidence. But this claim from Paul invites a challenge from a discipline that predates science. It’s a truth that can be investigated historically, and has been.

When I endure the inevitable trials of life, I don’t walk away from Christianity. When I am hurt and even betrayed by those claiming to be representatives of Christ, I don’t contemplate if Jesus is working for me or not. I can’t. I’ve scoured the evidence for Christianity and the experiences of Christianity and found that I’m standing on solid ground even in the storms. It has been thoroughly tested and holds true. And so when I struggle and when I wrestle with doubt, the words of Peter in John 6:68-69 come to mind, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.”

I hope Pete and I run into each other again soon. I know he has seen the goodness of God, and I’m looking forward to reminding him of where our hope is anchored.