journey – Grace. Truth. Coffee.

On The Road

November 18, 2020November 18, 2020onebouchard

This classic post first appeared on my blog close to 10 years ago. It seems timely today so I am resurrecting it here.

Oh the irony. I remember all those times I drew comparisons between following God’s plan and driving on the highway. How many times have I told people that when God wants you to exit, there will be signs? If you miss them, there will be more chances. Just stay alert.

Nice metaphor as long as your car keeps cruising along. I never counted on a breakdown. I suppose we rarely see those coming. Now it’s apparently broken beyond repair. No mechanic in sight. It’s sickening to think of how much work I’ve put into it, too. Making it shiny. Putting gas in the tank, polishing the chrome. This was my pride and joy. It got me where I needed to go.

So how do I keep cruising down the highway? Well, I’ve still got feet. So I keep walking that highway. It’s the direction that’s important, right? As long as I kept pushing myself up that mountain, everything would work out, just a bit more slowly than I had planned.

The road wasn’t made for walking, so I branched off. I saw a sign. I knew I was supposed to head into the woods. In fact, in retrospect I thought it was a blessing that the car broke down. I would have missed this lovely path entirely if I had continued at 60 miles per hour! I told myself I was grateful I decided to walk.

Oh, but my legs ached. They screamed. I’d been pushing so hard. Tired, hungry, and thirsty, I cried out, “God where are you?” I never could have uttered those four words from the comfort of the air conditioned car. Now they were all I had left. Still, I kept trudging along. I knew that if I just worked hard enough, I would find what I needed. I’d find Him.

The forest provided no relief. The cool shade became a chilly darkness. Between the critters and the exhaustion, it felt like there were enemies everywhere. Adrenaline provided the nourishment my body craved, pushing me forward. Lost and utterly alone, I kept putting one foot in front of the other. I kept repeating “I can do this. I can find Him.” I can’t tell you I believed it, though.

To call it a clearing would be generous. There was a space ahead where the shadows were weighed less. I didn’t know if it I could make it, but I decided that was my destination. It would all end there. It was all I had. As I got closer, I saw a bench. It was old and worn, crafted from an ancient tree.

I plopped down harder than I meant to. The pain shooting up my backbone from my tailbone was the final insult. I was done. I found the end of myself. I sat with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. No words were on my lips, I was well past anything resembling coherency. I interlocked my fingers behind my head as it sank lower, almost to my knees. The warmth of the salty tears streaming down my face didn’t do a thing to ease the shadowy chill.

Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I was too far gone to jump. Whoever it was, he could do whatever he wanted. I was done. I felt him circle around and plop down beside me. The hand became an arm across my shoulders, attempting to comfort me. That arm became two, pulling me close. He held my head to his chest, like a father does a son who just lost his first pet. I could feel his tears on my neck as he gently whispered, “I’m here. I’ve got you. Now and forever, my beautiful son.”

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

Where’s John?

April 8, 2018onebouchard

I embarked on a communal journey through scripture way back in January. A bunch of brave and slightly crazy folks joined in, committing to read about a chapter a day in Luke and then Acts. Signposts and reflections of that journey have appeared here along the way. As planned, we made it though Luke in four weeks and then through Acts in the following four. Although there were no formal checklists, I personally found it helpful to write a quick reflection on my personal Facebook after each day’s reading. This had an additional benefit of reminding everyone we were still moving along together. The encouragement I received also helped motivate me to continue daily.

As the end of the Book of Acts approached, there were questions regarding where this journey would go next. A couple of my original goals were to encourage others to read chapters rather than verses, demystify Bible reading, and foster a love for God’s Word in the people of God. When the end approached, it was clear many people were finding new joy and life in the Word and that the journey should continue. And so…we boldly dove into the Gospel of John.

But…then…the rhythm got off somehow. The daily sharing and accountability became inconsistent and essentially stopped. In the past month or so, I’ve made it through John 11. I fully intend to continue reading and sharing, but want to share the “behind the scenes” happenings and lessons since we began the Gospel of John. In other words, what’s happening in the Bouchard Bubble? Where’s John?

First: Filled

I’ve often encouraged others to “serve as an overflow.” In other words, become so spiritually full that the work of God spills out of us. To posture ourselves in the opposite way–serving in order to receive from God–is fruitless and leads not to God but to burn-out. I have found that it’s vital that followers of Christ “fill up” through personal discipleship habits. Our community gatherings can be refreshing, but it’s our daily habits that keep us turned toward our Savior. As my life got a bit chaotic, I recognized that there were things I simply had to let drop. Although the side of me that seeks the affirmation of others wanted to push through John and enjoy the feedback and encouragement I was receiving from so many of you, the wiser path was to let that drop. A piece of me still hoped I could fit it in every day, but it simply didn’t happen.

The public “chapter a day” posts are a ministry. It falls into that “overflow” category. Although those posts dried up, I have personally continued to stay in the Word daily. I don’t often publicly talk about my scripture intake. Honestly, it’s the spiritual discipline I find easiest and enjoy the most. Not everyone has the same experience, so I stay quiet. Even though I haven’t been pushing through John, I am 100% caught up on my personal “Bible in a Year” plan. Last fall I began supplementing that with a plan that involves reading one Psalm per day out loud. Both of these provide spiritual nourishment that sustains me through darker days and fuels ministry when things are going well. My hope and prayer is that through this dry spell, all of you have continue exploring and enjoying the Word of God on your own as well.

Second: Opposition

Many of you already know that I’ve been pursuing a Master’s degree in Theological Studies. I began that journey in the Fall of 2014 and completed my FINAL class on March 8, 2018 (woot, woot). A Master’s degree is a lot of work and a lot of stress. It’s interesting to note that our reading of Luke/Acts coincided with my final class and John didn’t kick off until class was over. Because of the timing, I thought I’d have ample extra time to spend on John. However…

Although some people erroneously think I’m a relatively laid-back person, I’m actually naturally quite tense. Throughout seminary, I never was able to be content to simply pass class (okay…or even get a B). Although my grades likely will never be relevant to any circumstance I face in this life (or the next), I just couldn’t help but overachieve in every class. Looking back, I realize now that adrenaline had been a vital sustaining fluid for the past few years. Once class was over…well, let’s just say there was a bit of a crash. In the weeks since, I’ve been discovering a new and healthy rhythm of life. This has been thrown off by a random case of strep throat and a huge, high-pressure implementation at my day job. In addition to those big things, it seems as if there have been a thousand tiny gnats of darkness buzzing around my head for the past month. I’d love to say every bit of opposition is in the past. It’s not, but surely it’s back to normal levels.

Finally: The Layers of John

I said this when we started and quite a few times since: John is deep and layered. The first couple of times I shared about Luke, I summarized it in a few words. Every now and then I’d write a bit more. People kept reading in spite of the length, so I threw caution to the wind and began just saying what I had to say about each chapter. This worked well through Luke and Acts. The reason I picked those to begin with is because they are so matter-of-fact. Although there is depth to be explored, it tends to be historical but still approachable by most of us today. John, on the other hand, is full of depth impossible to even scratch in a single rambling Facebook post. Honestly, it’s a bit intimidating and I’ve shied away from it.

The Gospel of John is beautiful and life-changing. As I write reflections about it, I’m balancing the goal of demystifying scripture while attempting to remaining true to the depths of the text. During our walk through Luke and Acts, I would pretty much share off the top of my head after reading the chapter. With John, I tend to reference a few commentaries before I share. Perhaps I’m returning to my old ways and setting a higher standard for myself than is truly necessary. Even so…this is where the path has led and so it is what I will follow.

What’s next?

I’d love to continue this path through the Gospel of John. One thing I’ve learned in my decade or so of following Jesus is that persistence is a more valuable trait than perfection. I invite you to persist with me in this journey. I’m again setting a goal of a chapter per day, starting with John 12. Come along with me. If there is anything I can do to assist your journey, please reach out.

The Lazy List

February 18, 2018February 17, 2018onebouchard

As I finished reading this third week of Acts (and 7th week of the Luke/Acts series), I found myself thinking about how much time it was taking every day. The answer was “not much.” That doesn’t mean I managed to squeeze it in every day, of course. Wednesdays seem to be extra jam-packed so they’ve become my most frequent skip day. But I’m old, so Fridays tend to be boring, which transforms it into my make-up day.

When reflecting on how much time was “not much,” I thought it’d be fun to think about things I do daily that take more time than reading a chapter of Luke or Acts.

Look for the remote for the TV.
Find something to watch on Amazon Prime.
Watch something on Amazon Prime.
Search for the perfect playlist to read by. (yes, I can spend more time finding a station or playlist than it actually takes to do the reading).
Find the right podcast to listen to on my drive home from work.
Play PokemonGO (seriously…I could read the Bible in a month if I spent as much time in the Word as I do trying to catch ‘em all).
Browse Facebook.
Read outrage on Twitter (people are even more outraged there than on Facebook).
I can dig it!
Try to figure out how to use Snapchat.
Stare off into space.
Watch the local news (seriously…I watch for 45 minutes and see the same irrelevant stories 3 times each and the same set of commercials about 8 times).
Talk around the coffee pot at work.
Laugh at the dogs.

I don’t do every single one of these every day, but I guarantee I do them every weekday and most weekend days as well. Every one of them takes more time than taking a slow and deliberate read through a chapter of Luke or Acts. None are more profitable, though.

We’ve heard that “All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17) This verse tells us scripture is important, life-changing, and vital to our Christian walk. It does not promise it is intuitive or easy. That’s why Paul is encouraging Timothy to stick with it. That’s why I’m encouraging you to stick with it. The entire New Testament was written almost 2,000 years ago. That’s quite a cultural gap to cross, but it is not impossible. It just takes a bit of persistence. “And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

I have one more week in the Acts of the Apostles. We’ve read 24 chapters in Luke and 21 in Acts so far. That’s more than many (most?) Christians ever read. If you’ve stayed with us, congratulations. Well done! If you stopped along the way, just pick it back up again. Start right where you left off or rejoin us in Acts 22 Monday.

In case it’s not obvious, I’m pretty passionate about God’s Word. In the past 12 years I have journeyed from a completely unchurched atheist to a (soon to be) seminary graduate. Obviously God has done an amazing work in me. The tool He has used the most to shape, chisel, mold, and grow me is the Bible.

What’s on your lazy list? Is there anything you can put down in order to pick up the Word?

The Word: Halfway

January 14, 2018January 13, 2018onebouchard

Thirteen days ago turned to page 855 in the book I’ve carried for thousands of miles. It’s been on almost every trip I’ve taken in the last 3 or 4 years. I’ve used it to prepare and preach from pulpits in both Brazil and the US. The words of Isaiah 35 brought profound insight and encouragement last December when I was in Houston. As I opened to page 855–chapter one of the Gospel According to Luke–a new and unexpected journey began.

In the Christian circles I tend to run it we frequently open our Bibles together. Usually it is because someone is teaching and asks us to open to a specific verse. Honestly, this has confused me a bit from time to time…the teacher always reads the verse, so why do we turn to it? We’re don’t read entire chapters together, and certainly don’t have the time to read entire books. Sure, it can be helpful to mark a passage or scribble some notes in the margins, but how many of us really do that during a sermon?

Still…the Word beckons.

On January 1 as I read the first word in Luke 1 (“inasmuch”), a bunch of friends did the same. We aren’t physically together and we’re not reading at the exact same time…but folks said “I’m in” and began the two month journey through Luke and Acts. Everyone is going at their own pace, which is wonderful. I’m reading 6 chapters per week in Luke, but grace is abundant. This week, Wednesday was simply too busy and I was too exhausted. So I didn’t. I shared that I didn’t. As expected, people responded with grace, not condemnation. That’s what life together is supposed to look like. That’s what we do.

Having just finished chapter 12, I am now halfway through the book of Luke. Just a few small steps every day and here I am. Halfway. Most days it takes longer for me to write a few thoughts about the chapter than it does to actually read it. This two weeks of reading has taken me to page 872. Seventeen pages in twelve days of reading. On one hand, it doesn’t sound like a lot. On the other, there has been so much ground covered. Remember…we’re reading text that was written almost two thousand years ago. It’s not necessarily all going to be straightforward and easy. It was originally written to a different people in a different culture living at a different time. Some of it seems quite foreign.

As I pause today in the journey through Luke that we’re on, I have a couple of areas I’ve personally noticed change.

Community

The last two weeks something really cool has happened. People are sending me messages letting me know they’re with me on this journey. I’m getting insightful takeaways from my friend Tamarah. I got a message from Mike letting me know he’s reading with us while he’s traveling. Some people tell me they’re behind but still with us. Dear friends are engaging with Scripture at a level they never have before. Because we are doing it together. I’m learning that we all get more out of God’s word when we go through it together. We have a longing for community because God designed us to do life together. It makes sense that His Word is experienced better together.

I’m afraid most of us carry around a lot of baggage about God’s word. Many Christians carry an unnecessary burden of guilt…perhaps because they think they don’t read their Bible enough. Or perhaps it’s because they have tried and just don’t understand it. We want to love God’s Word, but find it intimidating or unapproachable. We look around us and see Bible verses printed floating around everywhere…sometimes used like fortune cookies or horoscopes, bringing brief feelings of hope and encouragement…but sometimes used as daggers, thrown at others with the intention of drawing blood. But there has to be more, right? Surely God’s Word is more profound than a fortune cookie. Surely it has some other purpose than to wound and condemn. Unfortunately, guilt and pride keep us from opening those pages and even more, it keeps us from asking the questions we find embarrassing.

We’ve all been there. Nobody was born understanding Scripture. Way back in the early chapters of Luke it says that Jesus grew “in wisdom and stature.” It was even a process for Him. Personally, I remember sitting in Mike’s class and asking if John the Baptist was the same dude who was one of the disciples. Was he the one who wrote John, or was John just about him? Was Luke a disciple? Are Christians supposed to take every word of the Bible literally? Can God make a rock so big He can’t lift it? Why do people think Jesus was God? How can there be one God if the Father and Son both claim to be God? What’s up with this Holy Ghost thing…is that like Christian Gatorade or something? Do we even need the Old Testament anymore? What’s up with all those lists of names? Why don’t all Christians read the Bible?

I asked all of those questions at some time in the past 10 years or so. I’m not embarrassed in the slightest about any of them. That’s how I learned who God is. That’s how both my faith and knowledge deepened. And now that’s happening around us…as we read together, we can learn from each other. We’re all travelers on a journey and all have something to contribute. We’re a community.

Our community is a bit disorganized, but it’s beautiful. I cherish every interaction. Nothing’s off the table or out-of-bounds.

Personally

Knowing others are also reading changes my own perspective. I’m not only reacting to what resonates with me, but I’m anticipating what others will respond to as well. It broadens my view and allows the Word to challenge me in unanticipated ways.

In the first twelve chapters, I have found myself comforted by the narrative. The story of Jesus’ life and ministry is familiar. When the disciples feed the crowds, I’m delighted. As the people lean in to listen to the incredible teachings of Jesus, I’m amazed. Mary and Joseph, angels and shepherds…it’s like visiting old friends.

But there’s more that has been happening. In addition to the life and events, there is conflict. There are teachings that are hard. As I read Luke, I see Jesus continually warning us to stop focusing on things of this world. He tells us to seek the Kingdom of God, which seems to be a stark contrast to the kingdoms we build for ourselves. He tells us that “one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” (Luke 12:15) That brings my mind back to the woman with the alabaster flask in Luke 7, who out of gratitude washes the feet of our Savior with her tears and anoints His head with oil. This woman who had nothing pours out everything she has for Him, simply as a worshipful response to the forgiveness she has found through Him…the new life she has found. She knows Jesus and has been transformed. She is no longer who she was…she has walked away from her old life completely. Her future is completely unknown except for this…that she is trusting Jesus with it. There is deep meaning in the anointing of Jesus here, but for her it represents letting go of her “before” to step fulling into “next.”

As I read I wonder what pieces of my past am I still clinging to that are keeping me from fully following Him? I often think of emotional baggage like the tattered and worn suitcases we bring back from Brazil. Rio is really hard on luggage. But what if the weight I’m carrying around is an alabaster flask, beautiful and full of a substance of great value? Do I trust Jesus enough to break that flask and pour its contents out for Him? Do I trust Him with my future, even if it is uncertain and difficult? At the end of chapter 9, Jesus seems to be telling us that we can’t look both back at our old lives and continue forward with Him. As He said in chapter 11, “a divided household falls.” And so I look at my heart and pray the end of Psalm 139: “Search me, God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts. And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” The reality is, trusting Jesus with eternity often seems much easier than trusting Him with tomorrow.

Even so…among all these teaching that challenge me so greatly, Jesus never gives up on anyone. Sure, He rebukes Pharisees and Scribes. We see plenty of people leave His side when the teaching gets difficult or the cost of following Him grows too high. But He never turns His back on anyone. This is where I find hope. In these chapters it is abundantly clear that following Jesus is not an easy life. He never guarantees that…in fact, He repeatedly tells us the opposite. When we follow Him, though, He remains with us. He does not abandon us, even in the middle of our messes and failures, even in our deepest hurt and darkest places. When friends abandon us or tragedy strikes, He is there with us…lifting our face and pointing it toward eternity…toward a time when there will be no more tears or pain. These chapters remind me that we don’t get there by breaking our jars and unloading our baggage. Those things bring us closer to Him in the journey, but ultimately all of our hope is in Him. We get a beautiful glimpse of Him on the pages of the Gospel According to Luke.

On December 31 I posted an open invitation to join me in reading Luke and Acts. There are no checklists and no discussion questions, just a ragged band of misfits wandering through the Word together. I’m reading 6 chapters of Luke each week and plan to read 7 chapters of Acts per week when I get there. I set that pace because it seems achievable and I’m just dorky enough to need that kind of symmetry. Four weeks through Luke and four weeks through Acts. But if you want to take this journey, do it at your pace, not mine. Read 30 minutes a day if you want…perhaps that will be 2 or 3 chapters. Read more or less…just keep reading. I’ve been posting a few thoughts and my progress on my personal Facebook page because that’s where this all started, but I’m happy to interact with anyone anywhere. Reach out to me and let me know how it’s going. And if you’d like me to reach out to you a couple of times a week to see how you’re doing, I’d be happy to.

Endings

May 23, 2017June 13, 2017onebouchard

As I stood worshipping during the final chapel at Moriah Christian Academy, one single, simple quote came to mind. “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” Quickly grabbing my phone, I took a pic to capture this moment. Both my boys were up on stage, one strumming and singing, the other pounding the keys. This bittersweet moment was fleeting and would never come again.

“I want to hear voices of angels above singing as one, ‘hallelujah, holy, holy.’” As those words echoed through the sanctuary, gratitude overwhelmed me. Smile because it happened, indeed. Our eight years at MCA have been miraculous. We were told on our first visit the school was named for the biblical Mount Moriah, which means “the Lord will provide.” He has.

The music fades. The last reverberation of this fleeting moment slowly becomes silent. Through the years I have often stood outside with my back to doors that God has closed. Jobs, ministries, and even friendships. “What’s next” is a question I face with uncanny frequency. The experience is familiar but never easy. Each ending is a reminder that life is a journey and each season is only for a time. Smile because it happened.

But oh, these precious times and memories go deep. Tears carve a canyon in our soul. The heart longs to return to treasures of the past. Remembering first days, first friends, and first adventures….Science fairs and talent shows. Yes, we smile because it happened. We thank God for the incredible times we have had. Letting go is oh, so hard, though. The smiles we now share are through tears. Even as we rejoice for all God has in front of us, we grieve for those times that will never come again. We mourn that these halls will soon be empty and “what’s next” for each of us lie down different paths.

Our oldest son is graduating, which is a beautiful thing. At last week’s chapel I mentioned that He “who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” (Eph 3:20) certainly did so with my sons. Each are unique, but each is immeasurably more than I could have ever dared to ask or imagine. I’m often humbly driven to my knees, wondering what I ever did to deserve this kind of blessing. These young men are like “arrows in the hands of a warrior,” (Ps 127:4) ready to be launched into the world, guided by divine providence to make an impact on the world. Now is their time. First one, followed quickly by the other. My role is quickly transforming from coach to cheerleader to spectator as they step fully into manhood.

Tears meander toward the earth as I turn for one last look at that closed door. I smile. Unlike that famous quote, though, I believe it’s okay to cry because it’s over while you smile because it happened. We carry both grief and joy on our travels down the road to where He is leading us next. Denying one or the other is an injustice to our past and undermines our future. We trust that it will be as profound, impactful, and significant as the roads we have traveled so far.

Finding Life: Look Up

March 28, 2017onebouchard

They tell me life’s a journey.

Pause.

Breathe.

Journeys have twists and turns, hills and valleys. Moments are spent basking in the warmth of the sun after a spring rain. Others are moments of panic, desperately grasping for an anchor…something…anything…in the blackest night. Most of the journey is somewhere in between. We move forward one small, inconsequential step at a time, our eyes on our feet and the path immediately in front of us.

Most people I encounter believe God has a plan for their lives. The journey is leading somewhere. Their eyes get serious as they contemplate the mystery, “sure, God has a plan for me. I just don’t know what it is yet.” We tend to think God has big but elusive things in store, perhaps just around the next bend in the road. Meanwhile, we plod along trusting God with our tomorrow while we focus on our daily tasks. What if we’ve got it backwards? Could our perspective be upside down?

“I look up to the mountains–does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth! He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber.” Ps 121:1-3 NLT

Stop. Right there. Breathe. Lift your eyes to the mountains. Their creator is your creator. God’s plan is not a someday endeavor, it is an everyday infusion. Instead of concentrating on our steps and hoping for the future, look to the future and trust Him with each step. Focusing on the eternal makes today’s obstacles insignificant.

We don’t find God’s plan by waiting. We find it by stepping into it with Him, learning that someday is merely an accumulation of todays. The big plan is accomplished by stitching together a tapestry of countless small plans. Invite Him into your everything. Surrender each moment and each breath to Him. Enjoy the beauty. Treasure the journey.

Come alive.

This post is the second of a #5ForFive challenge by the Rev1211 community. This year, the group theme is “breathe,” and my theme is “Finding Life.” You can visit part one here.